Pain in my fairytale

My guilty escape
I want to vomit all my shame
It's through this screen 
It hurts, it still hurts, it hurts a lot
Numbing this down with chemicals
Painful to a surely bleeding


I'm too Naive
Darling your lies are my pleasure
It's bittersweet taste
I'm pissed as hell
I would gladly burn your acts straight to hell
I can't find the strand in me to hurt you
This is my torture chamber
I keep deluding myself to our nonexistent fairytale


I can't move
You've had me tied to your puppet strings
Hypnotized my mind
Cngratulations of being successful 
You are now my addiction
You & your pretty words

Pawn with no crown

Avoid the Bastard
Pulling me in his mastery of tricks
THE stupid lamb for his prey
His majesty, He's the King
In a sea of us pawns with no precious crown
But at the palms of his hands
She'll be the queen I know
It stings like a sweet poison, but I take a gulp
NOTHING comforts my pain
Leftovers of the broken glass lashed onto me


I'm the ugly pawn, so unbeautiful and worn to the core
I'll never be the queen I know!
I'll never be part of the perfect couple
I'l never be the queen I know!
HE won't wince a DAMNED CARE
Heartache in my gut
I sacrifice my move and he'll NEVER CARE
I'm pleading on my knees, HIS majesty will NEVER LISTEN


Compare me to a helpless dog in a spiked leash
It is not & never will be me
He's not trying to say anything, 
My...HIS majesty's ulterior moves
My eyes green with envy
My poor eyesight's fogged 
Hide my feelings to spare & sacrifice in front of HIS majesty..
I want that precious jeweled crown
Take all of me please
He is not & never will be satisfied with little me...

I m p u l s e 

Mere Perceivance versus all chords

Never submit to the main vibe
One sided souls are shit piles
Star Stuck inside of me
Not through, Tangled up

Gold running through my veins
The Legends are hidden
The core is mine
Aim to breaking down

My heart beats

Clueless gaze upon the glassy glaze
Brainwashed deads epidemic
Proceed your routine
Hammer the picturisque
Maxed out gutters arent clean
Submit to chamber and repaint the scene
Tinker the erotique and give me your sweet diss

Cards played out over
Lockless savory
Dance to frustration posessed
Risk is sexier my hater
Attracted to my danger shaky wits
Shaky wits

Strong armoured suit
Kick the crawling fragile stalls
Assure I am alive in that whirlpool inside
Nails grinding harder
My burning pleasures are fleeting
And bombing my brain
Bombing strain

My Impulse

(Image Credit to Beautiful-views.com)

The Perfect Periwinkle Dress

I am walking in the cold, and glistening wet night of New York City.
It is The Greatest City, The Big Apple, and The Land of my Dreams.
My eyes dilate like sparkling brown gems,
While I take every step wearing my dark jade green pumps,
Just radiating, just content, just proud, and just strutting.
As I glance after one glamorous store display after another,
I giggle.
I pass by the warmly scented Yankee Doodle Candle store,
I run.
I see the Victoria Secret sweet pink display of delicate lace,
I walk,
I arrive at the unique boutique of clothing,
I glance twice.
Almost unconsciously, I pause my tracks on the glossy pavement,
And my brown gems open more widely as a big tingle of fireworks takes over,
I scream.
It is as if the heavens guided me to my destiny as I see the sparkling display of MY Perfect Periwinkle Cocktail Dress.
In front of me,
Separated by a thin unstained glass,
By a black border,
And shimmering display of colorful lights.
The man who knelt on his knees and asked me to be his forever decides to ruin the moment.
My cell phone is ringing.
I squeal.
Breathlessly, I shout to myself, “He is definitely in for a surprise!”
This is THE Perfect Periwinkle Cocktail Dress,
THE Perfect Periwinkle Cocktail Dress for our engagement party.

(Image Credit to creesandcoedolls.stirsite.com beautiful Princess Diana Periwinkle Wax Doll)

Emotional Health

This emotional chain is unbreakable. We face that whipping chain everyday- vulnerable...hoping not to get slashed in the face. You make yourself the slave. We cant avoid it, but you can help at least-at least in the bit stop it, for good. Example- this person at work brings you down by telling you straight up whatever word available that will affirmatively hurt you, because of that NOW you are the latest link, and the latest root to that chain. You are affected by her no matter how you shrug it off or deny to yourself. The next thing is YOU WILL do the same to another person whether you know it or not, often it happens subconsciously and the only thing your emotional health knows right now is to diffuse that negative energy-to pass it on. If you are intuitive and you realize this happens then congratulations, you are one of the intelligent. You are in touch of what is happening in front of you, and you are aware of the aspects of yourself. But there are others and you know that. It is in your own hands that posses the power to stop this negative chain. Something that has possibly been around for hundreds and thousands of years returning back to the caveman times. On the other hand, you can choose to pass it on and keep this negativity flowing and growing more powerful than ever. Little do the world knows in truth is that the person who hurts you was hurt by her father and she has been carrying that pain for all her life. Abused by her father she carries on this pain around and hurts other people because she too is hurt. But you do not know that. The history of this chain goes on and on. Emotions need caring just like bodies. This is not the movies, people are not happy 24/7 but we try to look like it though. Those who hurt carry more pain, and grew apathetic-numb.

Love is poison

I was infatuated but I tried to hide it like I always did. He had to leave in a second, but despite another episode of my usual tantrums and acting like a spoiled brat, he still spared a minute and stayed to soothe me. His train was coming, but a minute spared turned to 30 minutes and the best thing is he didn't care. I know I am his priority despite what they think. I am his priority in disguise. He leaves as I wait for him again, and I have no major problem with that because he had to- it is his work.

I do doubt if we were made for each other because our thinking clashes and we know that. 

I doubt because we are not very similar yet there is that line that pulls us together. I know that line is breakable, but I am too scared to think about that. I think it is breakable, but I don't know how he feels. I forget to ask. 

I know it is love, but is ours unique? Destined by the universe? Or just a phase? I am on the fence on that.

Sometimes I forget that I also serve as his best friend, but I don't know how it feels like to have a true friend. I never had a true friend, I am too selfish to have one. At times I am scared to be my true self around him for I might get too comfortable, predictable, or boring. I get wary of giving my all, of my heart and soul whenever he asks will I do everything for him, if I will take a bullet by the eye. My inside voice taunts, it warns. If it doesn't work out then what will I do when it is too late? For I gave him all? We took the chance for sure, but I am still selfish. Sorry. You are too, I think. I think I'm wrong.

I keep 24% of myself for insurance, and that is enough power to get me started when I loose everything. 

When that happens...maybe the bossy, independent, successful whore of a bitch he always complains about is not so bad. Maybe it's more fun. 

I itch to be that woman, so I will become that woman. It's a man's world, we need feminism. Feminism should be up on their faces, pussies and all.

I do itch to give him my all, but I slip up. I will choose the successful whore of a bitch anytime, any day.

I am of the lucky ones who save themselves as they brew in the poison of love. Some aren't too lucky, love is poison.

"I can slay my own dragons, I can dream my own dreams, My knight in shining armor is me."

Time, a price beauty always pays

It takes an average of 2 hours time or more for preparation- there is no thing as rush in beauty. In order for a woman to feel comfortable and confident before she steps out to the world, debating on colors and patterns down to the mascara is thought out like a scrambled puzzle.
We figure out these puzzles everyday.
 Limiting the choices- we have to worry about what is in or not, what flatters our body the most, what colors and patterns go together, swiftly applying eyeliner with precision to leave out a smudge free palate, applying primer insurance for the oily skin at the middle of the day, don't forget the hair when we check for those split ends, touching up the roots that grow out, and lastly what about trying to please your man with the strappy red dress he loves in spite of you hating it. Are you planning to wear that or not?
A chipped nail polish located in the pinky finger covered in her favorite color would bother the woman throughout the day.
 Not only these factors have to be considered, but we have to look in the mirror and at least try to be our best friend by turning into "Reassurance Guru", moreover attempting to genuinely compliment ourselves to boost self esteem-  for I, myself, is my most critical judge.
It is crucial for a woman to feel confident in order to succeed but sometimes feeling confident does not come easy, it also takes work and time for development and indulgence.
Time, a price beauty always pays calls out to the ugly duckling in 7th grade who will turn into a gorgeous goddess after college, growing out ingrown hair to avoid red razor bumps from shaving, the scars that will take time to heal, to loosing the excess pounds, and the eraser marks in a blank stale canvas transforming into a beautiful oil paint piece.
Mold into the fantasy person you clenched your heart's desire to be. Your life is how you decide it.


Three things: Change, if not, make the best of things, if not, acceptance is the key to peace within the self.

Rightful Credit to "The Evil Queen from 'Snow White', by John Blumen" 
http://www.abc.net.au/news/arts/articulate/200701/s1825374.htm