Monday, December 13, 2010

Emotional Health


chain

This emotional chain is unbreakable. We face that whipping chain everyday- vulnerable...hoping not to get slashed in the face. You make yourself the slave. We cant avoid it, but you can help at least-at least in the bit stop it, for good. Example- this person at work brings you down by telling you straight up whatever word available that will affirmatively hurt you, because of that NOW you are the latest link, and the latest root to that chain. You are affected by her no matter how you shrug it off or deny to yourself. The next thing is YOU WILL do the same to another person whether you know it or not, often it happens subconsciously and the only thing your emotional health knows right now is to diffuse that negative energy-to pass it on. If you are intuitive and you realize this happens then congratulations, you are one of the intelligent. You are in touch of what is happening in front of you, and you are aware of the aspects of yourself. But there are others and you know that. It is in your own hands that posses the power to stop this negative chain. Something that has possibly been around for hundreds and thousands of years returning back to the caveman times. On the other hand, you can choose to pass it on and keep this negativity flowing and growing more powerful than ever. Little do the world knows in truth is that the person who hurts you was hurt by her father and she has been carrying that pain for all her life. Abused by her father she carries on this pain around and hurts other people because she too is hurt. But you do not know that. The history of this chain goes on and on. Emotions need caring just like bodies. This is not the movies, people are not happy 24/7 but we try to look like it though. Those who hurt carry more pain, and grew apathetic-numb.

Friday, October 29, 2010

Love is poison

I was infatuated but I tried to hide it like I always did. He had to leave in a second, but despite another episode of my usual tantrums and acting like a spoiled brat, he still spared a minute and stayed to soothe me. His train was coming, but a minute spared turned to 30 minutes and the best thing is he didn't care. I know I am his priority despite what they think. I am his priority in disguise. He leaves as I wait for him again, and I have no major problem with that because he had to- it is his work.
I do doubt if we were made for each other because our thinking clashes and we know that. 
I doubt because we are not very similar yet there is that line that pulls us together. I know that line is breakable, but I am too scared to think about that. I think it is breakable, but I don't know how he feels. I forget to ask. 
I know it is love, but is ours unique? Destined by the universe? Or just a phase? I am on the fence on that.
Sometimes I forget that I also serve as his best friend, but I don't know how it feels like to have a true friend. I never had a true friend, I am too selfish to have one. At times I am scared to be my true self around him for I might get too comfortable, predictable, or boring. I get wary of giving my all, of my heart and soul whenever he asks will I do everything for him, if I will take a bullet by the eye. My inside voice taunts, it warns. If it doesn't work out then what will I do when it is too late? For I gave him all? We took the chance for sure, but I am still selfish. Sorry. You are too, I think. I think I'm wrong.
I keep 24% of myself for insurance, and that is enough power to get me started when I loose everything. 
When that happens...maybe the bossy, independent, successful whore of a bitch he always complains about is not so bad. Maybe it's more fun. 
I itch to be that woman, so I will become that woman. It's a man's world, we need feminism. Feminism should be up on their faces, pussies and all.
I do itch to give him my all, but I slip up. I will choose the successful whore of a bitch anytime, any day.
I am of the lucky ones who save themselves as they brew in the poison of love. Some aren't too lucky, love is poison.
"I can slay my own dragons, I can dream my own dreams, My knight in shining armor is me."

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Time, a price beauty always pays


It takes an average of 2 hours time or more for preparation- there is no thing as rush in beauty. In order for a woman to feel comfortable and confident before she steps out to the world, debating on colors and patterns down to the mascara is thought out like a scrambled puzzle.
We figure out these puzzles everyday.
 Limiting the choices- we have to worry about what is in or not, what flatters our body the most, what colors and patterns go together, swiftly applying eyeliner with precision to leave out a smudge free palate, applying primer insurance for the oily skin at the middle of the day, don't forget the hair when we check for those split ends, touching up the roots that grow out, and lastly what about trying to please your man with the strappy red dress he loves in spite of you hating it. Are you planning to wear that or not?
A chipped nail polish located in the pinky finger covered in her favorite color would bother the woman throughout the day.
 Not only these factors have to be considered, but we have to look in the mirror and at least try to be our best friend by turning into "Reassurance Guru", moreover attempting to genuinely compliment ourselves to boost self esteem-  for I, myself, is my most critical judge.
It is crucial for a woman to feel confident in order to succeed but sometimes feeling confident does not come easy, it also takes work and time for development and indulgence.
Time, a price beauty always pays calls out to the ugly duckling in 7th grade who will turn into a gorgeous goddess after college, growing out ingrown hair to avoid red razor bumps from shaving, the scars that will take time to heal, to loosing the excess pounds, and the eraser marks in a blank stale canvas transforming into a beautiful oil paint piece.
Mold into the fantasy person you clenched your heart's desire to be. Your life is how you decide it.


Three things: Change, if not, make the best of things, if not, acceptance is the key to peace within the self.

Rightful Credit to "The Evil Queen from 'Snow White', by John Blumen" 
http://www.abc.net.au/news/arts/articulate/200701/s1825374.htm

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Avarice: Deadly Sin

Be selfish. Be secretly selfish. Selfish is more than good. In fact, it is the contract that you give to yourself that you will survive through any situation. Always think about yourself, and never give total power unto another, this includes marital relationships. I'm not talking about the extreme kind of selfish where you are harming more than getting benefit. I'm talking about setting up life insurance for whatever you encounter and wherever you go. Selfishness is life insurance.

However, do not be obvious with your selfishness. Do not reflect this side to anyone, keep it a secret.
If you get the opportunity to cheat on a test with the 100% guarantee of not getting caught, go ahead. If you are a newlywed, keep a separate and secret account with $3,000 in case you divorce. Fool the unsuspecting lover. Indulge in bettering yourself. Be selfish with your money, keep more than needed in your secret vault.
The reason why so many humans become miserable, or fall from a fancyland of happiness is because they give themselves away easily. Being too generous is like locking yourself up in the bathroom, hands handcuffed to the shower head, and turning on the water to take a scalding hot shower with no escape.

Do not be risky, and do not dance in the unstable line without establishing life insurance. Be selfish, use people if you can.
I advice you to hold a face of a harmless, happy, and unsuspecting candidate of selfishness.
Little do they know, you are on top of the chain.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Private

Dear *****,

Do you become depressed after it rains? I'm talking about the kind of rain that brings in gray clouds, along with that dull twilight atmosphere. It's even worse when it's accompanied with thunder & lightning, and when it happens around 5:00 pm, where the day is already turning to dark, and into night. When the rain stops, you go outside and everything feels still, stifled, and paused. When you take a breath the air smells different too, like fresh water or salty seawater breeze. 

It's so gloomy & blue, it becomes nostalgic when I embrace it. It brings me memories of our past, and it clarifies my head.
I get gloomy when I shrug off the chance of meditating in this twilight. If I ponder and embrace this sad blue sight, I feel a strange peace. Such a strange discovery. That peace is penetrated within the walls that surround the palace of my true core. However, it only penetrates the third layer because I built so many. I don't know what I did to myself.

Embracing the way you're feeling ends in a peace within yourself, no matter what the emotion is. Do not shrug it off, do not let it slide, do not stuff it like a tissue. 
Embrace your emotions, but do not do anything stupid when it is overbearing. When you're feeling violent and angry, talk to someone and reach a positive solution. Emotions is one thing, Doing is another.